Strike Force
by Velvet Elfin
Summary: If our favorite heros and villians were actors who star in our fics. How would they feel about what we as authors put them through and what would they do to change their circumstances.One word....STRIKE! UPDATED 122006
1. Default Chapter

About a year ago ff.net went down for several months and gave me an idea. What if there was another reason they were not working. What if with a little help from the Force someone was trying to tell us something. So here is what I imagined would happen if the Star Wars character took a stand against what they viewed as unfair working conditions. It is not meant to offend anybody just bring a smile to your face. :D  
  
Let me know what you think and should I continue.  
  
Strike Force  
  
To: fanfiction_actors_mailinglist@jedi.tmp Cc: force_master_jinn@jedi.tmp sexy_padawan_kenobi@jedi.tmp From: mace_master@jedi.tmp  
  
Subject: Assembly  
  
To all cast members concerned about the treatment of the fictional characters from the Star Wars universe, there will be a conference held in the main vestibule at 1900 hours. All members interested in voting for a representative to carry our demands to the fan fiction writers on Earth must arrive 15 minutes early. We will discuss those said demands and possible avenues of having them met by those authors.  
  
On a more personal note, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's names already appear on the ballot. As this mission is neither sanctioned nor official they have the right to refuse. But as they are used and mistreated by most authors, they may want to keep that in mind.  
  
FYI: For those who volunteered to bring snacks for tonight's meeting, Obi- Wan signed up to bring the drinks.  
  
Mace Windu  
  
To: mace_master@jedi.tmp From: force_master_jinn@jedi.tmp  
  
Subject: Meeting tonight  
  
Mace you're kidding right, they can't send me to Earth. That Lucas guy killed me. The Council needs to revote. I nominate Yoda. Everybody on that backwater planet loves the little green troll.  
  
Qui-Gon  
  
To: mace_master@jedi.tmp From: sexy_padawan_kenobi@jedi.tmp  
  
Subject: Assembly  
  
Mace, I believe I signed up to bring the veggie chips and dip tonight. I think I remember that Yaddle was providing the drinks.  
  
Obi  
  
To: force_master_jinn@jedi.tmp Cc: sexy_padawan_kenobi@jedi.tmp From: mace_master@jedi.tmp  
  
Subject: Food and drink  
  
Qui-Gon, almost all of the authors have killed you off once or twice and then resurrected you to star in another story. I don't think it matters too much that the Lucas guy killed you. He kills me in the new movie. I'm afraid that's not a good enough excuse to avoid going to Earth.  
  
Obi-Wan do you remember the last time Yaddle brought something to drink to a get-together? Do you really want 'swamp punch' again? Don't worry about the chips and dip. I'll cover that for you. Just bring something that the humans can drink.  
  
Mace  
  
To: mace_master@jedi.tmp From: sexy_padawan_kenobi@jedi.tmp  
  
Subject: Re Food and drink  
  
Ugh, swamp punch!?! No thank you! I was sick for an entire week after the last time. No wonder there aren't any stories about her having a padawan. No one would survive to knighthood. I'll bring the drinks but I might be late because I need to run to the commissary and we all know how those authors love to have me kidnapped, lose my memory, or have life threatening accidents. So please transcribe the minutes of the meeting so I can review what I missed.  
  
Obi  
  
To: fanfiction_actors_mailinglist@jedi.tmp From: troll_jedi_master@jedi.tmp  
  
Success, tonight's rally was. Show, three people did not. Talk to them later, I will. Finished counting the vote, Palpatine has. Unanimous, the choice is. Selected Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, everyone did. Going to earth, they are. Demands take with them.  
  
Salary we want. Insurance costs. Many accidents, Obi-Wan has. Free medical, get he does not. Equal say in stories we want. Script Approval called it is. Conditions of working .safer they should be. Lighter some stories should be, less angst.  
  
If met our demands are not, strike we will. If more demands you have, to Qui-Gon give them; take them he will.  
  
Yoda Oldest living Jedi Jedi Temple level 3 quarters 154  
  
To: mace_master@jedi.tmp From: force_listener_jinn@jedi.tmp  
  
Subject: Yoda's announcement  
  
Mace it is Qui-Gon. Do you know that my communications terminal is so jammed with messages containing minor demands; I had to create a new account. You're the only one with this address so I'll know if you give it out.  
  
I know the little troll speaks backward in real life, but how is it possible that with the modern improvements of spell and grammar checks that he can mangle his messages?  
  
I guess I was the only one who voted for Yoda to go. They love him. What will I do if they refuse to hear our demands?  
  
Qui-Gon Jinn  
  
To: force_listener_jinn@jedi.tmp From: troll_jedi_master@jedi.tmp  
  
Subject: New address  
  
Heard that I did. Love me they do not. Oddity there I am. Go you will. No more complaints, you will make. Listen to us they will, or story archives crash they will. If unable to access them, no more stories will they write.  
  
Secrets you cannot keep from me. Know everything I do.  
  
Yoda Oldest living Jedi Jedi Temple level 3 quarters 154  
  
To: force_listener_jinn@jedi.tmp From: mace_master@jedi.tmp  
  
Subject: RE: Yoda's Announcement  
  
Qui-Gon  
  
I didn't give him the new address but you know he's right, he knows everything. Now we'll use inner temple communication to keep in touch with you.  
  
Where is Obi-Wan? He sounded excited to go to earth. I hope he hasn't changed his mind.  
  
Speaking of earth, your transport leaves tonight at the seventh hour. Come and have dinner with Depa and me before you leave.  
  
Your friend, Mace.  
  
To: mace_master@jedi.tmp From: sexy_padawan_kenobi@jedi.tmp  
  
Subject: Absence  
  
I am sorry Mace but one of the authors used me in a story where I was cloned and my spirit inhabited my cloned body. It was a pretty good one. The author gave me Anakin Solo to train. Yes I'm still excited about earth. Qui-Gon said you invited us to dinner. I'm sorry Bant already invited me yesterday. she said it was to celebrate my nomination.  
  
I can cook for you and Depa when I get back.  
  
Obi  
  
To: fanfiction_actors_mailinglist@jedi.tmp From: force_master_jinn@jedi.tmp  
  
Subject: Your demands  
  
To all who have forwarded me demands that you want the fan fiction authors to listen to? I will try to get them all heard, but even for a negotiator, I can promise you that not all of them will be accepted.  
  
We'll leave for Earth tonight after dinner and it will be a weeklong shuttle ride. I should have information for you after that. May the Force be with you.  
  
Qui-Gon Jinn  
  
To: sexy_padawan_kenobi@jedi.tmp From: mace_master@jedi.tmp  
  
Subject: RE: Absence  
  
It is good to see you back with only minor bruising. We would have needed to send someone else with Qui-Gon if you were in the healers again.  
  
As for your dinner invitation, thanks but no thanks. Even the Fan fiction authors know how dangerous it is to let you in the kitchen. Enjoy Earth and send back lots of pics. Everyone is curious what this planet looks like.  
  
Mace  
  
To: troll_jedi_master@jedi.tmp From: mace_master@jedi.tmp  
  
Subject: Away  
  
Yoda,  
  
I just walked Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan to the transport. We almost couldn't get into the hanger there were some many people there. Qui-Gon was still grumbling about going to Earth but Obi-Wan was so excited that you would have thought it was his first job.  
  
I told them to cc you on all reports, which Obi-Wan assured me he would do as soon as they arrived.  
  
Mace 


	2. Arrival on Earth

This is part two of the story Strike Force. The boys have traveled to our planet in hopes of talking to the moderator of one of the biggest online fan fiction websites to present their demands. This part follows right behind part 1. One week later. SO I bring to you part 2 of …

STRIKE FORCE

From: sexypadawankenobijedi.tmp

To: fanfictionactorsmailjedi.tmp; fan-fictionactorsmailinglistdarkside.emp

CC: trolljedimasterjedi.tmp; macemasterjedi.tmp

Subject: Arrival

Well, things could have gone better, but at least no one is dead. Unless, of course, Master Jinn receives this email, in which case, you can remove me from the plaintiffs, as Qui will probably kill me. He has already threatened my life if I laugh once more time. He said, and I quote, 'If I hear one more chuckle from you, Obi-Wan Kenobi, I'll leave you to the mercy of your worst authors, see if I don't.

No contact was made with the Sith Mistresses…err…I mean, earth's authors, as Qui-Gon's odor might be found…offensive. And I wouldn't blame them if they did. I can't get far enough or stay away long enough to breathe without difficulty. Although I must admit it might be a fantastic idea. There will be more Qui torture and less Obi angst. Unless the authors choose to maim or kill me just to torture him. Maybe this time he'll learn, because Master Jinn's affection for pathetic life forms has finally backfired upon him.

Mace, look up skunk in the databank. Not that a picture will allow you to grasp the situation fully. Think Yoda and Yaddle's swampy quarters in the summer after two weeks of heat. Whew! Qui-Gon felt so badly, he went off to retrieve the animal. I wonder if he would have been so worried if he had known then what he knows now.

I tried to warn him! But the blockhead wouldn't listen to me. I went so far as to follow him off the ship. But before my feet touched dirt, several girls screaming something about locking me in their closet, attacked me. Many of them were chanting the name Ewan McGregor. There were other things too scary to recount, and I would prefer none of the authors hear and use the suggestions.

It took me 6 hours to get away. Qui-Gon had plenty of time to upset the animal that unleashed the foulest stench I have ever smelled. How many times do you have to tell a grown man not to touch everything he sees? I swear if the authors don't kill me then Qui-Gon will. He was fuming inside the ship, yelling something about it stinging.

I finally managed to calm him and suggested a shower, but the stench merely intensified. Qui-Gon is now trying to deodorize himself, while I write the report so we can meet the fan fiction representative tomorrow at three, which I rescheduled to. Hopefully things will get better. Until then, I'm focusing on breathing through my mouth and locking all the doors to keep out the fans. This is what you call a rock and a hard place.

Obi-Wan Kenobi

To: fanfictionactorsmailinglistjedi.tmp

From: forcemasterjinnjedi.tmp

Subject: Arrival on this backwater rock

Members! If I had the Force here on this forsaken rock, I think I would give you a massive mind whammy. Not only have you stuck me on this …this rejected planet, but you have cursed me as well. It's so backward that when I tried to help a frightened creature it turned against me. And NOW, I can't get rid of this horrible stench.

There are times I'm glad when we are done with a story. Obi-Wan can revert back to the Padawan version, and I have the braid I can yank on. I'm seriously thinking about dragging him down the ramp by his braid and giving him to that massive group of girls who have decided to camp outside our tent if he laughs at me once more. On the plus side, we won't have to worry about more skunks.

I'm going to do some research while we wait. There is no way I can sleep reeking as I do. I hope to find an author who can help us persuade her colleagues. We need help.

Well, that's all for now unless you want to listen to me complain about the smell. I will send an update as soon as we know something.

QG Jinn

From: hornedandtattooeddarkside.emp

To: forcemasterjinnjedi.tmp

CC: fan-fictionactorsmailinglistdarkside.emp; fanfictionactorsmailjedi.tmp

Subject: RE: RE Assembly

Qui-Gon,

I wasn't there in time to submit my demand with the rest due to the fact I was in the medical ward being sewn back together. The healers are funny in the respect that they won't let injured men walk around or use COMM terminals.

The precious Obi-Wan Kenobi is not the only one that gets tortured. How do you think being cut in half about 50,000 times feels? I can guarantee a lesser man would crumble. So this brings me to my request.

I want more stories, where I am not cut in half, maybe a bunch where I have a change of heart and live happily ever after. I'm not a bad guy, just judged by my body art. It's a case of total discrimination.

Maul

From: forcemasterjinnJedi.tmp

To: fanfictionactorsmailjedi.tmp; fan-fictionactorsmailinglistdarkside.emp

Subject: Assistance Required

To the authoress at this email address: My name is Qui-Gon Jinn. I'm sure you know me, since most of your stories are centered on me. I think I have may have met you once or twice.

I am contacting you for a specific reason. My Padawan and I have come here as representatives of fan fiction actors. If our demands are not met, a strike will become imminent. I am sure you have heard about it. My apprentice and I will be meeting with the Storyteller's spokesperson tomorrow. We would like a delegate more inclined to our side of the argument to appear. You could help us with matters concerning the websites and writing and other things where we may not have a firm grasp.

As you seem to be one of the few who restricts yourself to harming only your own made up characters, we wondered if perhaps you would be willing to assist us? Please respond promptly, as the meeting is at three.

P.S. Do you know a good remedy for skunk spraying?

Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn

From: deepbreatherdarkside.emp

To: hornedandtatooeddarkside.emp

Subject: What a bantha head

Maul you WUSS! I lost both arms and legs, and my wife and unborn children. And you don't hear me complaining, do you? And for the record **Loser,** you represent the darkside. You can't have a change of heart and leave the Sith.

You are recruited for life and death…live with it.

Vader **LORD** of the SITH

From: MasterSithoftheUniversedarkside.emp

To: sexypadawankenobijedi.tmp

Subject: RE Arrival

Kenobi! I swear, you use the word sith with such a blatant disregard just to frustrate me. How many times have I told you, the name Sith is just as important as the name Jedi. I have never used the name Jedi as a curse word. I would appreciate if you didn't use Sith in those terms either.

While we are on the subject, please add my request to the list. Quit using Sith in any other way than describing that perfect order to which I belong. It has been around longer than the Jedi. You're just the popular ones. I have foreseen my will coming to pass; after all, I keep getting Anakin in all of the stories.

By the way if that authoress Qui-Gon has contacted continues to call me Palpy, I will fry her hard drive with my lighting. Then she can suffer writer's block with no way to cure it.

SUPREME CHANCELLOR PALPATINE (the immortal)

Imperial City, Coruscant

From: To: RE: Assistance Required

Ha-Ha Peggy! Very funny! As if I would believe that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan came to Earth and there is going to be a strike. You thought by getting an email address with Qui-Gon's name on it, my liking for the old Master would cause me to believe?

NOT! Try again, next time make it more believable.

By the way how is the website coming?

Saber's

(me)

* * *

From: trolljedimasterjedi.tmp

To: forcemasterjinnjedi.tmp; sexypadawankenobijedi.tmp

CC: fanfictionactorsmailjedi.tmp; fan-fictionactorsmailinglistdarkside.emp

Subject: RE Arrival

Kenobi

Stink our quarters do not. Smell deliberately like that it does. Spend lots of time on it Yaddle does.

Tell Qui-Gon many times I have. Keep hands to himself he should. Listen to me he does not.

Qui-Gon, quit complaining you will. Do your job you must. Convince earth's authors you cannot if whining you are. Touch more earth creatures you will not. Good idea it is to get an author on your side it is.

Yoda

Oldest Living Jedi

Jedi Temple level 3 quarters 154

* * *

From: macemasterjedi.tmp

To: forcemasterjinnjedi.tmp; sexypadawankenobijedi.tmp

CC: fanfictionactorsmailjedi.tmp; fan-fictionactorsmailinglistdarkside.emp

BCC: trolljedimasterjedi.tmp

I looked up skunk in the database and I have a fair idea of what you're talking about. The Force must be with you…or maybe it has finally abandoned you. Either way Obi-Wan Kenobi, I'm glad you went and not me.

So who is this Ewan McGregor these earth females have mistaken you for? And do you truly hate it as much as you claim?

BTW where are the promised pictures of this planet? Everyone including the Sith are curious. I have to keep changing the password on my COMM terminal because Anakin keeps hacking into it to see the pics.

As for Qui-Gon being stubborn…don't I know it? There is a reason the majority of fan fiction authors nicknamed him bucket head.

Qui-Gon …the databank suggests something called tomato juice to help with the putrid odor. Also you and Yoda are right when you said you needed help. I think it's a good idea to get some of the writers involved on our side. I'm surprised you thought of it … maybe skunk is good for your brain my friend. But what about your ego… you have to pick an authoress who uses only you as the main character. You don't have an ego problem do you?

M. Windu

P.S. Don't just know the Force. Use it to kick some darkside butt. Mace Windu.

From: RE: RE: Assistance Required

What on earth are you talking about? Have you lost it totally? Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan come to earth and you think I started the rumor. NO! Not even. And even if I did, I wouldn't talk about the old geezer. Maybe Jacinta sent it. You know how she likes a good joke.

As for the website… I'm pretty happy with how it's coming along. I even got authors pages. Check it out and see what you think. www.ajourneythrough. :D

* * *

From: forcemasterjinnjedi.tmp

To: fanfictionactorsmailjedi.tmp; fan-fictionactorsmailinglistdarkside.emp

CC: trolljedimasterjedi.tmp; macemasterjedi.tmp

Subject: Problems

Expect some delays in getting our demands heard. The authoress I contacted earlier tonight doesn't believe that we're real. She is of the opinion one of her friends made us up as a joke. If I can't get her to believe that we are here, then how are we expected to make the moderator of Storytellers believe?

I was talking to Obi-Wan and he agrees that the best idea is to bring down the server early to show them that we mean business. They have a term here on earth, "Walk softly and carry a big stick." I'm inclined to agree. Our stick is the ability to use the Force. I am making a motion to crash the hard drive. All in favor send an email to Yoda or Palpy.

I'm going to try to make contact one more time.

On a second note Maul, I will do my best to have your request heard, but I don't think it will do much good. These earth authoresses are even more aggressive about the body art and your appearance as Villain. You have to admit you're not exactly the man I would trust with my life. Speaking of your request do you think you can use a little less glee next time when you skewer me?

QG Jinn


End file.
